1. Well, Fuck.

    July 8, 2015  |  1 Comment

    So it’s been a while. There’s a reason for that. Court was on Tuesday.. Didn’t go as well as I thought.

    It’s Tuesday, June 30th and I walk in to the court room. It’s filled with parents of prisoners, and soon the prisoners walk in handcuffed and loved by their families and me. I see a few people I lived with inside, and a couple of men I haven’t been able to hug in 26 months. The judge begins, and his speech takes about an hour before we get to say anything at all. This time, I was called by my ex, the main man in the file, to be a witness to a night that happened a week before we got caught. I realize that they were just using me to his alibi. This was idiotic on two levels: one, I get nothing out of this but to defend the “main man” whom I’ve been trying to dis-attach myself from day 1 which therefore looks bad on my end, and two, the alibi doesn’t even make sense. I actually think his lawyer doesn’t know what an alibi is. The thing is, he was being accused that the Saturday before we got caught he was giving a load of drugs to B at 5pm. His alibi is, “impossible we were all at dinner at 9, my gf was there ask her”. Fine, I was there. But please, anyone, really doesn’t even have to be a lawyer (or a 12 year old), tell me, how does that acquit him from dealing at 5pm if we were at dinner at 9pm?  Just how stupid do you have to be? So I answer with “I don’t recall”. I walk out, and his sister starts to run after me screaming and yelling like a little bitch. Then his mom and dad call my whole family asking “how can she do this and what did we ever do to her?” Really? Think reeally hard about those questions and just try to answer them yourselves. And here’s the thing, they’re my neighbors. So, I have to deal with them all the time. All the time. It’s hard, it’s annoying, and it’s frustrating. But I have to deal. But the hardest part? I was then told that I wouldn’t be able to travel for another 6 months or so.. I was so excited to move on with my life. I was excited to get out of this stupid country and my fucked up surroundings and just move on. I wanted to see the world, I wanted to discover new things, I want to go backpacking, I want to just get on an airplane…

    I haven’t been able to sleep properly, or eat properly.. I feel myself getting down more and more each day, it’s hard to sleep but once I do it’s even harder to get out of bed.. I drag myself all day to finish what I have to do with minimal effort. Yeah, I admit it, I’m not the happiest I’ve been. I’m just happy with one thing in my life. Just one.

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