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July 28, 2015 | 0 Comments
The feeling of longing to do something. That one chance you had a long time ago to change something that would have altered your whole path. Wanting what you can’t have. Needing what you do have but can’t seem to appreciate it while you have it, till it’s gone. Falling in love, giving all that you have, and getting it taken away from you. Then there are those who thought they were in love.
The phrase “head over heels” was originally “heels over head”, and it wasn’t related to love.. It was literally when you were hung upside down, with your heels over your head, that you felt dizzy and confused.. Just like love.
It’s hard to be able to see something clearly when you’re too involved, sometimes we need to take a step back.. And only do so if you’re willing to see something that you never thought was there.
People tell me things, and I find it hard to be empathetic and compassionate.. I don’t know why, maybe my experience taught me to detach myself from those emotions, because that’s the only way you can survive when walking down a corridor with 120 prisoners who are all innocent. But then again, in prison, we’re all innocent.
I want to travel, I’m exhausted of this place. I have another six or so months left to go. They always say the last part is the hardest. I wonder why that is? I’m exhausted of feeling helpless most of the time. I’m exhausted of doing what I don’t want to do, hearing what I don’t want to hear, and seeing things I don’t want to see. Yes, I’m enjoying what I have. I really am. I’m trying to embrace what I have, letting go of the negative, and trying to enjoy what I can. And I want you to do the same. Because when you keep it in, deep inside.. You’re losing what you have now around you.. A Tadeusz Borowski, surivor of Auschwitz, wrote a book titled “This Way to the Gas, Ladies and Gentlemen” where he mocks the whole experience into humorous sentences.. And then killed himself some 4 years later.