1. It’s Been a Long Time

    January 3, 2016  |  1 Comment

    Happy new years.. I hope.

    It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it? Everything hurts. Even my hair hurts. A lot of things happened, some things I’m not allowed to even say.. I debate whether I should write some of them down or not. But I left Lebanon. It wasn’t my decision. It was my family’s decision. It was theirs. But it’s okay, because I was the girl who put them through hell while I was in prison. I’m the girl who doesn’t understand what I did to my family and their reputation, aren’t I? Right because after their 15 minute visitations once every three days, getting in the car, driving back to your own home, opening your own doors to wherever, and sleeping on your own bed, or just simply enjoying your freedom must have been very difficult for you guys. See it’s not just that.. Let’s just say I’m the black sheep. I have my own family. The ones who have always been there for me and always been supportive.

    Anyways, enough about that, it’s not the point. So I’m out. The thing is, if I stayed, that’s 5 years of my life just gone. I’d have to go back in. Is that really fair? 72 people in this stupid big case, and all of them, okay, most of them.. just got 5 years. Why? Because. Why not? Half of them aren’t even with evidence. The douche of a judge of our beautiful judicial system says, “I give out 5’s, it’s my thing”. And that’s that. I know a lot of them. And I know a lot of were innocent. This isn’t fair. It’s really not fair. And the thing is, I feel bad. I feel like I should endure it too. Is that weird?

    And I really do miss Lebanon. Not the idiots, not the government.. just the country. Despite all the negatives, Lebanon has a lot of its positives. Maybe because it’s my hometown, and that’s where I’m from. Lebanese people, and the Lebanese culture means more to me than any other. The country itself is beautiful. There’s so much to do, so much to see.. so much to live. And despite what I’ve gone through, there are so many laws being broken, and no one looking. It’s funny, it’s interesting. Lebanon is not a place I’ve ever wanted to work and stay in; it’s not exactly “land of opportunity”. You don’t see many people working up the ladder and getting far where they are, that’s the sad part. But it’s sad I might.. not see my own country for a long time..

    I’m not where I want to be. That’s my main issue. My biggest issue is I just signed a contract with a company for a part time job here, but hey I’m on 6 months probation period so I can leave. I want to leave, because this place isn’t for me. But not now. Not without you. It’s not like my life revolves around you. It’s that, I love you. You’re my only one. I want to start my life, but with you. So this.. This is me.. trying to positive and look at this as a transitional period. I’m in this weird country that’s, different. I’m alone. I have a married sibling here, that’s good. But that’s about it. I live in an apartment alone, it’s so empty without my sister. But I’m with my kitty. I suppose it’s okay, as I might need to figure some things out. Like where I want to go. What I want to do with my life. But I want to figure them out with you. Come to me. Let’s do this. Let’s do it together.

     

     

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  2. The best chef | February 17, 2017

    I’m always with you. Especially when we’re apart. 💛