1. Home.

    June 13, 2016  |  0 Comments

    They say home is where the heart is. That’s interesting. I’ve been banned from my “home” for, yes the sentence came out and I officially have been convicted to 25 years as a fugitive. Which is exactly the same charges a murderer would get in Lebanon. Exactly the same. I could have killed someone and gotten away with it. How beautifully justified. My inmate buddies are now awaiting their early release trial which might happen a few months from now. With everything our case as revealed, it might not go so well. I’ve never met such ignorant judges, such stupid detectives, and such snakes of lawyers. I have more to reveal in my “Dear Diary” excerpts.

    So my options are, 5 years in prison, or 25 years outside. So yeah, outside it is! I’m still where I have been for 6 months. I still am adjusting. My job contract ends at the end of June, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been looking for months and months and feel like I’m under qualified for everything. I want to do this on my own. The worst thing someone can hear at a time like this is “You can’t do this on your own”. Why say that..

    A couple weeks ago, my laptop of 5 years bid adieu. When I took him in to get a check up and see if we can do anything, I was told that there was nothing left to do, and I had to say goodbye. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. So I don’t know what’s happened to my data.. I have to save up now to buy a new one and then check on data recovery from my old laptop. I cried a lot, and still do every now and then. All my memories, all my future plans, all of bits of my life are gone.

    You can do this on your own. You don’t have a job yet, you don’t have savings because your part time job doesn’t help, and you feel like you’re on a tight rope.. It’s okay. Live in your imagination. Live your dream. Things will happen for you. They always do. Slowly. Happiness is a temporary state. Serenity is forever. Reach a state of being serene. I’m trying, too.

    So is he. Our only issue is being apart because we don’t have the finances to be together yet. But I’ve never been more comfortable, or more happy with another human being. The support, the love, the comfort, the being yourself.. The serenity we have when we’re together. It’s hard explaining “love”. Someone who makes you work harder to be a better you, always pushing each other and always there for each other with full support, and of course it works better when you’re physically together.. but it’s okay.. After everything I’ve been through, I think I’m incredibly lucky to say I know what love is. It’s unbreakable. And that’s where my home is. I can’t wait to be home.

    I know this was just a rant, and I don’t even know if you’re interested in these details. But this is also for me. Thank you for reading my writing and being there for me.

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