1. Dear Diary, Part 4

    June 12, 2015  |  0 Comments

    May 25th, 2013, 20 days in…:

    This is the worst hell I’ve ever been in, in my entire life. I will never again complain about anything after this experience. I’m barely eating, I’m barely sleeping. My left eye keeps twitching reminding me that sleep is important, but my brain ignores these warning signs as it keeps me awake thinking: “what did I do to deserve this?” Nothing anyone can do is bad enough to live like this. For 2 weeks I keep hearing “tomorrow, you’ll be out” I lost hope. Everyone keeps looking at me as if I’m the one who did wrong, as if what I’m saying is a lie and what HE is saying is the truth. Nothing is more frustrating. This is all because of money and power, they are buying justice. Everyone used to ask me why I don’t like Lebanon, my answer is because it’s unfair. It’s unfair to allow yourself to live in a country where your opinion doesn’t mean anything, what you say doesn’t matter, and where the truth doesn’t count.

    Here, people think it’s important to listen to what others say about us, it’s our ‘society’ they say. I never understood this. Why should I live a short beautiful life according to others? What difference does it make if people say “she married HIM?” or “her clothes don’t match”. Wouldn’t it matter more that I’m happy with my husband, or comfortable in what I’m wearing? I don’t know. I don’t know much anymore. All I know is I want OUT of this hell hole. I want to go home, I want to shower, wear my clothes, get my life back. Get my freedom back. This experience will always haunt me. I haven’t cried this much in my life. I miss feeling the sun on my skin, I miss the feeling of a light wind. I miss seeing grass and trees. I miss hearing crowds of people on the street, being stuck in traffic, hearing and seeing birds, I miss all the simple things. And that’s what I want when I’m out, the simple life.

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