caged free bird
  1. Dear Diary, Part 3

    June 9, 2015  |  0 Comments

    Today it’s been 49 days:

    I know the Bitch is up in Roumieh. I hope they’re fucking him up. Never in my life will I forgive him for trying to protect some girl he’s just fucking. If I hadn’t come to Verdun I wouldn’t have known any of this.

    I got this evidence on my own.

    I feel like I’m dying inside but I’m trying to stay strong.

    Friday, August 16th, 2013:

    Yesterday I found out a prison mate, E, was talking shit about me and spreading it through the guards as well. Ra7 neek ekhta.

    I did it. I fucked her up. The “toughest girl” is scared of me now. Awesome.

    Saturday, October 5th, 2013:

    I saw a neuro doctor here in prison. She prescribed me anti-depressants and .75 milligrams of lexotanil  in the morning and .75 mg at night. I hide them in my gums and take a few at the same time. I’d do anything to pass time.

    I feel like I’m never going to be taken care of properly. I’m so tired of being tired and in pain all the time. My body is tiring out, and I can’t keep going on like this without being taken care of. I have to wait till Tuesday to even do anything about it.

    Monday, October 21st, 2013:

    Family came today and gave me the “I hope you learned your lesson” speech. I hate that speech and I would assume that after 5 something months people would just assume I learned my fucking lesson.

    I really havent been okay lately. I’m sick of everything and I’m fucking tired. I’m just so fucking tired.

    My eye is infected. Fuck.

    Wednesday, November 13th, 2013:

    Yeah, yeah. It’s been a while. I havent been able to write in a while, just not in the right mindset.

    Monday, November 18th, 2013:

    Yeah, it’s my 23rd birthday, and I have to admit it was the most depressing of days.

    So my prison roommate, Y, organized something with the whole prison to take us out to the “nozha” (The fucking nozha.. it’s a small sidewalk with walls covered with depressing graffiti and like 7 layers of fences) and sing happy birthday and they got me cake! I’ll never forget it. It made me happy for a bit to feel some love from people on such a depressing day. It was the first time the whole prison even does something like this.

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